First came love...

and so it continues:


For the next year, and beyond, I continued to have my doubts (all because of my own insecurities and doubts that I could have anything to offer) about weather Rich and I would work out. Many sleepless nights, tears and wondering could not get me out of my head. I couldn't stop wondering and second guessing the feelings Rich had for me and if I was worthy of them.


Spring of 2008, as graduation was nearing, Rich asked me to move in with him after grad school was complete. This too had been a stress for me. What was I going to do after graduation? I wanted to stay in DC with my friends, my work and the man I hoped to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't know how this was going to work since I was only making $9/hour in my internship (really?? you ask...yes, really. A MA degree only gets you $9/hour with the government, who would have thought they would pay THAT much! pffft). This was so stressful and here was my night in shining armor asking me to move in with him. So, the weekend after graduation I moved in.


This was an easy but tough situation all the same. How do you share a space, like a VERY small bathroom, and live with someone that you have never lived with before? This could either make or break us. Regardless I jumped in feet first and took the chance, with fingers and toes crossed, that it would all work out how it was meant to be.

We quickly fell into a routine, it felt natural to be with Rich and to share a home with him. Despite having our house torn apart for 3-4 months that fall, as well as re-doing our deck ourselves, we survived. I did have to get the heck out of town for a week, poor Rich had to deal with the sub-contractors and the remodel all alone, but we survived and without any major arguments or issues. At this point I began to think 'if we can survive living in chaos, without a kitchen and only one functioning toilet at a time (for 3-4 months), we can survive anything...maybe!' There was hope for an "US" and I was beginning to believe in that hope.

Don't get me wrong, I still had my emotional times, my struggles within myself that I could make Rich happy. I still had that internal struggle, trying to convince myself and wondering (and every once in a while asking Rich), how I could possibly make this man happy when he was giving up such a big dream. How could anyone love me enough to give up that dream and not resent me for it later!? To be completely honest, even NOW I still wonder this every great once in a while. I wonder what I ever did to deserve such a wonderful, loving and caring man who loves me the way I always wanted, and deserved, to be loved!?

Fast forward to April 16, 2009...one of the best days of my life thus far. It was 2 years and 3 days since our first date and I was sitting, at sunset, on a private dock at a lake house Rich had rented for the weekend to celebrate our anniversary. As I was trying to take pictures of the hawk, and her nest, that was just a few feet from where we were sitting. Rich was trying to figure out how/when the best moment to pop THE BIG QUESTION was. Me = CLUELESS. Rich = Nervous. It was a great day and it started a whirl wind of a year of planning for the day in which we would become Mr. and Mrs. Rupanovic. My happily ever after WOULD come after all...